The Assignment
After much agonizing about feeling superfluous, I have realized that the most important assignment before me, shared with many elders, is to be ready—not just to be ready to die (not soon I hope) but ready for anything that might come my way; to answer the phone and the doorbell, to choose “yes” as the default answer whenever possible, to accept most invitations, to give up a plan to meet a friend for lunch if I don’t feel energetic enough. I try to catch myself if I start bemoaning the loss of people I have loved and, instead, to focus on something alive and beautiful.
A pair of sturdy boots, easy to slip into, stands under my bed, and I know where I should stand (against an interior wall) when I feel an earthquake. I keep a working flashlight within easy reach and try to remember to change the batteries now and then. These practical preparations don’t preoccupy me. The more subtle readiness requires constant effort. It’s important to cultivate it, however, because it is key to freedom and happiness.
Part of that effort is shedding what I no longer need, including books and habits. My shelves are tightly packed with books I’ve loved but have not looked at for years, books I acquired because I thought I should read them but never did, books by departed friends, books collected during research for projects finished long ago. Most of these need to be taken away, donated to the public library or placed in one of the free little libraries in my neighborhood. Some may find another reader, but others will be recycled as wastepaper. I accept that. I’ve made some progress on this task and will continue, bit by bit.
Habits are not necessarily bad, they help to structure daily life. Some stretches in the morning before coffee make it easier to awaken stiff joints and a slow mind. A vigorous walk or exercise routine (followed by a nap) builds up energy. But rote behavior can block the way to readiness for change. I try to build small variations into my basic routines, to learn something new every day, and to reach toward beauty and love. The basic assignment, in other words, is to live.
